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I'm Sorry I Yelled

I never thought I would be that parent. That parent who yelled. Not that I have something against raising my voice, but I never thought I would be a yeller. But I am. And I am sorry.



I'm sorry I yelled.

I'm sorry I yelled when you fought your diaper changes.

I'm sorry I yelled when you wouldn't stop crying.

I'm sorry I yelled when you wouldn't go to sleep.

I'm sorry I yelled when you made a mess. 

I'm sorry I yelled when I couldn't get dinner on the table before you were hungry.

I'm sorry I yelled because I had to get to work, and we were running late.

I'm sorry I yelled when you couldn't find your shoes. 

I'm sorry I yelled when you didn't want to be in your car seat.

I'm sorry I yelled when you wouldn't sit in the buggy at the grocery store.

I'm sorry I yelled when you whined. Incessantly.

I'm sorry I yelled when you came in to "help" when I was getting your little sister to bed.

I'm sorry I yelled when all you wanted to do was paint, but the mess would be too much.


Here's the thing. I'm sorry I yelled, but I'm learning too.


I'm learning how to be a mommy.


I'm learning how to be patient. The craziest patience I have ever had to have.

I'm learning how to put my craziness aside and realize you are just a little person.

I'm learning to be completely selfless even though all I want is to take an uninterrupted shower. 

I'm learning that you don't understand all that I do for you, and that's okay.

I'm learning that in the world of parenting, no one is keeping score.

I'm learning that maybe this craziness is the biggest kept secret in the world.


Because, GOODNESS, the craziness is real.


The craziness every morning to get everyone's diapers changed amidst tears and arguing over outfits.

The craziness over immediate hunger when I haven't even had my coffee yet.

The craziness over getting kids into a car then out of a car then into a store then into the car again. It's a lot of craziness.

The craziness of toddler minds not being able to realize how to wait. or what waiting is.

The craziness of Daddy not being home until 6pm and it's barely 1pm.

The craziness of fighting naps even though you are insanely tired.

The craziness of it all.

I don't want to end this on some sentimental sweet note.... something that sounds like this:

"the craziness of loving someone so much it scares you" or something of the like.

Because, while TOTALLY TRUE, a mom (or dad) in the midst of the craziness doesn't always want to read the sappy remarks. Sometimes they just want to read about the craziness... the learning... the yelling... and KNOW that they aren't alone. This parenting thing is tough. Sometimes, there is a lot of yelling. Which comes with a lot of guilt.

But Mom (Dad), you aren't alone. I wouldn't say everyone yells, because maybe there is a parent out there with superior amounts of patience. But I do. I yell. I don't want to, and I do feel sorry. But we are learning. And the whole parenting thing - it's hard!


Comments

  1. Glad to see you back on the blog job. Anyone who never loses it and never yells out of frustration or fear when dealing with (especially 2 year old) children is not being truthful. Add an infant to the mix and I have to say I don't know how you do it. I would much rather contemplate yelling because of being in the thick of it than think I'd get so detached from the joys and trials of motherhood that I could ignore it all.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes and yes. I have 6 children and boy do I yell. I feel like I yell all the time and I hate it. Unfortunately it seems like it's the only way anything ever gets done around here or the only way they realize mom means business. You know...I have to lose my cool and go crazy for them to hear me asking for the millionth time to pick something up. Ugh. Anyway, I don't post on my blog too often but this morning I was inspired by something similar. http://theprudenthome.blogspot.com/

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    Replies
    1. Pamela! Thanks for reading and sorry my response time is CRAP! I was too busy yelling ... ;) just kidding, kinda. But I will check out your post! Can't wait to read it and thanks for reading mine! <3

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