Skip to main content

Why I Don't Work Out for Me Anymore

Newsflash: My own personal desire to be more healthy is not motivating enough to actually do so. Or else I wouldn't be in this constant predicament of wanting to lose about 15 lbs.

.... But there are a lot of things I have proudly done for myself.

I went to college. I modeled. I selectively clean obsessively (you like how I put "selectively" so my husband can't read this and call me a LIAR?). I write. But I have currently lost the will to really perfect my body to a point to where I am confident like I used to be.

Maybe it's the lack of sleep. Maybe it's the enormous amounts of laundry (WHERE does it COME from?). Maybe it's that sometimes I'd really rather spend time with my baby and husband, sleep, or read a dang magazine.

But lately, I just don't want to workout for me anymore.

So instead I'm doing it for my daughter.

I don't want her to feel the way that I did when I was younger.

I remember when I got my school picture back in 3rd grade, I hated the way I looked. Hated it. Down to my orange and purple striped shirt and my above the knee legging shorts. I was convinced that my head looked too small for my body.

I remember my friends telling me after 5th grade was over and gone, "maybe next year you'll get a boyfriend, Tara, maybe next year." and I secretly really, really hated them for saying that because it made me feel like I wasn't pretty enough.

I remember being obsessed (OBSESSED) with the folds under my armpits. As a 9 year old. I felt like I was the grossest person alive.

I remember dreading going prom dress shopping because I hated the way I looked in a dress.

I remember being called thick in college and thinking to myself "yea... that's NOT a compliment you jerk!"

I remember some rude frat guy on the bus getting bent out of shape about something and calling me a "fat b!tch" - not because I was (I actually weighed 30 lbs less then than I do now), but because he knew it would hurt me.

I remember doing every fad diet you can think of, starting early on. Atkins - check. Weight watchers - check. Vegetarianism - check. The All-Chicken diet (really?!?!?!?!) - check. The master cleanse - check. Slimfast - check.

I remember going to kickboxing classes 2 x a day 6 days a week and not eating. For like, 5 months.

I remember everyone complimenting me on my weight loss and wondering if anyone knew the extremes I went to to get where I was.

I remember a guy I dated for over a month commenting while I was eating some chips at a bar that that was the first time he'd ever seen me eat anything.

I remember limiting my calorie intake to 500 calories a day, and still feeling out of control and gross.

This issue with my body image (and some raging cases of disorderly eating)... it certainly didn't have anything to do with my rearing. I came from a healthy, loving family. I think it's just in my head. I'm certainly not proud of it. I certainly don't wish to think this way.

But I feel myself going back down the path of this negative body image.

And I DO NOT want that for my beautiful daughter Beulah. I don't want her to see that side of me. and I certainly don't want her to feel that way about herself. So I need to make it go away.

I don't want my daughter to know what a calorie is at age 6.

I don't want my daughter to know what the word "fat" is or feels like to be called.

I don't want my daughter to know me as anything other than a confident and happy mommy.

So, no. I'm not working out for me right now. I'm working out for my daughter.... because I want to be a better woman and not expose her to this issue.

I want her to know me as maybe not perfect, but confident.

I want her to know me as maybe not perfect, but active.

I want her to know me as maybe not perfect, but healthy.

I want her to know me as maybe not perfect, but happy.

So, she can follow in my footsteps. That is why I'm working out.


  1. I just wanted to tell you that this really inspired me. I am really proud of all your accomplishments. You are and always were an amazing person and friend.

    1. Thank you- I just wish you shared who you were so I knew who had such sweet words. :)

  2. LOVE this! I, too, know what its like to struggle with body image issues and weight. My little guy is 14 months old and all I want it to be a positive example to him. I don't want him to go through life feeling the way I did. I have about a 100lbs to go, but its not a race or competition. We would love to add another baby to our family, but gotta get momma healthy first. Thank you for posting this and Good Luck to you! XOXO


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How to be a Housewife (Without Feeling Like a Slave)

Now, don't get the wrong idea here... I'm not sending a passive aggressive message out there to men (do men even read blogs?) that women hate doing house duties. We love it - right, ladies??? (wink, wink) And I'm not complaining either. (Although I do despise laundry, I love a clean house; so it's a double-edged sword.) One thing I'm BIG on is positive thinking . Sometimes, it is hard to be positive if you are feeling overwhelmed with dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking... oh yeah... LIVING IN and maintaining a home. So, I thought sharing my thoughts on this topic could maybe help some disgruntled wifeys out there. 1) Don't hate, delegate - I'm a huge fan of starting young with manageable tasks around the home. There are a bunch of lists floating around the interwebs of chore lists for kiddos, and a lot of them are pretty dang silly (one suggests letting a 2-3 year old put dishes away, um no!)  -- but my favorite one is from Kids Activities Blog.  2) B

Maybe It's Just Easier To Be Lonely

As a busy, working and social mom of two young hellions, I am constantly teetering on the balance of completely and utterly (and not fabulously, might I add) losing my sh-word. Man, what a starter. What an intro! Hello, welcome to my blog. My name is Tara, and I’m completely crazy. I use the term “hot mess” way more than socially acceptable; in fact, there are times that I use the phrase, in reference to myself, and I can literally HEAR someone’s thoughts of annoyance in me. But, I digress. But, it’s true! I’m about one bad day away from flipping out hardcore. Part of it is my innate nature to be involved in *everything.* Combine that with my inherent disability to saying “no,” and it’s a recipe for… you guessed it… “hot-mess-ness.” Totally a word I made up and use… a lot. As I look at my planner (that I am obsessed with - who else have to have their lives written down somewhere or else they have NO IDEA what they are supposed to do that day?!), I realize…. “Dang, I am

How Not to Raise an Asshole

Guys, you know how I am. I tell it like I see it. And these days, I see a LOT of two things: asshole adults and asshole kids who will grow up to be asshole adults. Not raising an asshole requires work , so if you aren't interested in some blood, sweat and tears, then close your browser, and don't forget to write a rude comment on your way out. Let me preface this by saying: these suggestions are being made from my professional side, not my parenting side--- let's be real, the verdict is still out on whether my kids will grow up to be assholes or not (just kidding... over my dead body will they be entitled, dependent adults)... but still, the important distinction of point-of-view needs to be mentioned. Here are some ways not to raise an asshole: 1) Teach them how to do stuff. You know how kids don't come with an instruction manual? Well, neither does growing up. Kids learn from example how to do almost everything - show them how to do things! Don't just