Maybe It's Just Easier To Be Lonely

As a busy, working and social mom of two young hellions, I am constantly teetering on the balance of completely and utterly (and not fabulously, might I add) losing my sh-word.

Man, what a starter. What an intro! Hello, welcome to my blog. My name is Tara, and I’m completely crazy. I use the term “hot mess” way more than socially acceptable; in fact, there are times that I use the phrase, in reference to myself, and I can literally HEAR someone’s thoughts of annoyance in me. But, I digress.

But, it’s true! I’m about one bad day away from flipping out hardcore. Part of it is my innate nature to be involved in *everything.* Combine that with my inherent disability to saying “no,” and it’s a recipe for… you guessed it… “hot-mess-ness.” Totally a word I made up and use… a lot.

As I look at my planner (that I am obsessed with - who else have to have their lives written down somewhere or else they have NO IDEA what they are supposed to do that day?!), I realize…. “Dang, I am busy!” and a little voice peeps up that wonders if maybe that’s the reason for my stress… a little voice that says “maybe it’s just easier to be lonely.”

Lonely? Where does that come into play? Well. Not completely, but 3/4th of what my schedule is filled with are things to enrich our life as a family and provide my children with semi-decent childhood experiences. (For those of you wondering, the other 1/4th actually feels like 100% of my schedule, and that is all the mundane, grown-up responsiblities, like doing laundry, cleaning the house and doing your taxes.) We go to bible study, moms group at church, dance class, mother’s day out, and schedule play dates. I just signed away two more time slots our of our week for 5-year-old soccer season.

I try to keep our family busy, although really that sentence should read, I try to keep my kids busy. You see, I have enough things to do to keep myself busy to stay up without sleep for approximately 2.5 months. I’m not kidding! Which is why that little voice peeped up, so rudely suggesting “maybe it’s just easier to be lonely.” Cancel that playdate you have, don’t go to bible study this week. Don’t go to dance. Cancel everything and just stay at home.

Sure, maybe it would be easier to not plan these extra things. Lord knows there are evenings that I *really* don’t want to do whatever extracurricular event we are signed up for that day. Hell, there are plenty of days I really don’t want to even get out of my pajamas. But I don’t think that is really the way parenting (or childhood) is intended to be.

You see, it really does take a village to raise a child. Sure, a playdate may screw up your ability to multitask that morning… (“Hey, wanna bring your kid over to watch a movie with my kid while I do laundry and put away the dishes? No? Oh…”) and having moms group at church so close to nap time may cause a kid to sleep in the car (which we all know is disastrous for getting said child to actually sleep later)... but being a mom is hard. HARD. and while it seems counter-productive to add more to our plates, don’t believe the lie that maybe it’s just easier to be lonely. Us moms need to be around other moms who are living in the trenches too! Us moms need to have someone who can say “Yep, this parenting business is hard!” Us moms need to be around other moms who will give us the grace that we aren’t giving ourselves.

So when you find yourself teetering on the edge of insanity and you’re tempted to clear your schedule to get a grip on things, remember that it’s not going to be any easier to tackle motherhood by yourself. Find your village, and hold them close to your heart.